From Disenchantment to Forward

Enjoying nature. Is there a better way to re-engage with life?

My last post left off with me pondering the Disenchantment Stage of Atchley’s Retirement Stages. For some time, I’ve reflected on my own disenchantment, allowing myself to consider all kinds of reasons and ultimately solutions.
My thoughts continued to drift back to 2015 and a cycling trip to Puglia, Italy. On the trip, we met a couple from California, he a mostly retired ER then later radiology doctor and she, a self-described housewife and mother of five. As R and I sat with her in the lobby of our gorgeous masseria, all trying to connect to the finicky internet, me nursing my injuries from the previous day’s bike crash, she spontaneously began reflecting on life. Her radiologist husband had completed his own round of radiation for prostate cancer four and a half months earlier. This bike trip in Puglia was both his reward at the end of treatment and possibly his last trip to Europe. In her musing, she revealed that they were both just passed 70 years-old. She then said something that resonated with me, something I’ve often contemplated, though I doubt she considered her words impactful.

She said any good, healthy years past age 70 are “gravy,” Gravy. Past 70.

Her words stuck with me, this wise woman from California.

But why?

When we returned home from that trip, R visited his internist for a follow up on a rising PSA reading, the test designed to detect prostate cancer, the same cancer the doc on the bike trip was recovering from. R’s PSA numbers earned him a visit to a urologist, and over the next 1 1/2 years more tests, a biopsy, more tests, eventually an MRI, then a super biopsy, a diagnosis of cancer, full body scans to see if the cancer had metastasized. He was 66. What followed was a radical prostatectomy, a recovery, frequent testing to see if the cancer was metastasizing and lots of sadness, anger, and ongoing worry.

This historical summary leads me back to Atchley’s Disenchantment and Reorientation Stages of retirement. Atchley cites a number of reasons people feel disenchanted with retirement after the initial honeymoon phase, including limited alternatives, limited financial resources, over-identification with work, other role losses in retirement and two that apply to me — leaving a community where one has lived for years and health issues.

Many people move when they retire, many people stay put and some live in two places.
Moving from Chicago to the Pacific Northwest was always our plan and that piece has worked out mostly fine.

That leaves health issues. None of us seek health issues or illnesses such as cancer; with the help of genetics, lifestyle choices, and sometimes from nothing beyond just aging or being human, illness finds us. Doesn’t seem surprising that one might end up feeling disappointed and land in the Disenchanted Stage if this occurred in retirement. That was my route.

R has a PSA in January 2018 and if it is clear, testing will move to twice a year, allowing us more freedom from appointments.

According to Atchley, everyone arrives, some sooner and others way later, at the Disenchantment Stage. Whether one arrives organically or is pushed into disenchantment by unwanted illness, figuring out the best use of retirement is necessary and an opportunity. Slogging best describes our movement through most of this year, a year we can’t wait to kiss good-bye. However, we plan to end the year actively considering possibilities for next year. R has a PSA in January 2018 and if it is clear, testing will move to twice a year, allowing us freedom from frequent check ups.

I imagine many, if not all, cancer survivors view life after treatment and recovery as a new beginning, a second chance. I’m not sure we took retirement for granted prior to R’s cancer. I know we won’t now. Who knows if we’ll ever greet the gravy years. For now we are focused on the opportunity and privilege to re-engage in life as we enter Atchley’s Reorientation Stage.

A happy moment just before sunset in Ngala, South Africa. 2018 will bring more and more moments.